Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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