haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
