Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
