I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
