I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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