Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
