MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
