first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
