I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
