Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
