smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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