i need an iv and a liver transplant
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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