I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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