i jhust puked up my retainher.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
