i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize