I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
