508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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