It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
