remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
