There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My liver just broke up with me...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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