You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
