Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
