I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
