when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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