i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm at about main and main street
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
