She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
