Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
