Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there was a trapeze. enough said
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
