I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
