Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
