So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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