This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
