i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We need to get me chipped asap
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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