Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
