ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
