I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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