That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
