also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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