you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
