My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
