I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
