Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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