Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
