Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
