Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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