I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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