i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
