i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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