I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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