Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
