The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
